Building Faith Series: #2 The Patriarchy

I remember the first time I heard the Patriarchy mentioned in a derogatory way, and it wasn't long ago. Some of the writers in this arena have been talking about this for years, but it wasn't the right timing for me I guess. I did a Bible study many years ago about the Patriarchs (Abraham, Isaac and Jacob), and that's about all I knew about the patriarchy. 

When I was growing up, my dad and his three brothers with their families all lived for a while in the same vicinity as our grandparents. We all went to church together - and church for us was a full day event. The moms brought potluck and we played baseball or red rover in the field next door before coming in to afternoon church and then heading home for supper. My dad and my uncles all preached, as well as any other man in the church, whether they had any gifts of speaking or reading the Bible or not. The pre-teen and teen boys could pass the collection or offering plate and could also 'lead singing' by standing up front and announcing the number in the book, and then starting to sing, quickly picked up by the women in the church so an actual melody happened. I was happy there, and it felt safe and familiar to me. 

As a teen, and then into my 20s and on into even today, the spirit of God has always resonated deeply in me. I don't know how else to say it. I've always known God had a strong call on my life. Maybe it's my heritage of coming from church rabble rousers. When I first started attending a church where women seemed a bit more equal, it was the most relief I had felt as a Christian, like a heavy robe was released from my shoulders. 

However, I have realized that simply inviting a woman to be a worship leader or say a prayer in a public place does not mean equality in the church. The patriarchy runs deep in the Bible and in the church. What should one do with it? There are some verses that Paul writes that seem pretty clear, "I don't allow a woman to speak in the assembly", but then Jesus made exceptional efforts to speak with women and reach out to women and listen to women. That would have been counter cultural in that day, in so many ways. Did Paul have a bias toward men? Was his Jewish upbringing more influential in what he wrote in the Bible than I had realized? I don't know, but these are questions I have. 

I don't have a question in my mind about God's views on women, or on the ways Jesus treated women in the Bible. Nope. Other places in the Bible, I don't know how they match up, despite lots of reading and discussing these things. I'm just going to leave that out there because I don't know what to do with it. 

I first heard of Ravi Z about 12 years ago, and through the years I have watched several videos on youtube of his lessons, and I especially loved his question and answer times with different groups of people. To me, he seemed to represent what I hoped was possible - that a person could have absolute confidence in the Bible, and still be kind and gentle. He explained the Bible in exceptional ways, with respect and a gentle answer.  After he died, a very condemning report was released by the organization he founded about an investigation and there was story after story after story of horrendous manipulation and abuse towards many women committed by this man. Some of his family denies the evidence, and it doesn't really matter to me if it all comes out to be true or not. It's enough that some of it has to be.

When I realized that I was wrong about him, then the waves came crashing down on my head and heart, that maybe I was also wrong about faith, about God. Had it all been a joke? How could I have participated in something that admired and elevated a man who had things of faith figured out? How could I even be part of the church that tried to have all the things figured out? How could I participate in a culture that de-values young women so dramatically and gives so much power to men? No no no. I sobbed all the way home after a meeting, asking the air, "What is even true? What is even true?"

So yeah, I took everything off the table for my faith, and I only want to add back in things that I'm sure aren't going to wash away again like that for me. 

To be honest, I'm still participating in some pretty patriarchal rituals. I still go to church most of the time, and I think it's fair to say that while there are many loving people there who I value greatly, we are still pretty entrenched in the patriarchy. I'm not sure it's my job to change any of that there, and I know some of you reading this are sisters of mine from there. For now, I think my call is to speak out about it, to suggest a different way when a male speaker is especially condescending, to empower the women I know to use their gifts to grow in faith, to not tolerate the abuse of women, and not participate in the mocking or stereotyping of women, especially in a faith community. But I still have a ways to go on this. Lord lead me.

The other night I had a dream about a pastor I used to know, making inappropriate footsie moves on me at a meeting. I was horrified and tried to get away from him and he kept moving closer, trapping me. I struggled a lot with the loss of relationship with this pastor when he left my church, and I realized this week that I think it was so hard for me, because I wasn't able to keep a patriarchal male authority figure happy. Ugh, repulsive. The patriarchy runs so deep.

Is God a man? No he is not. Last year on Mother's day, I wrote a short piece about the mothering God does toward me, and was saddened to realize that God seemed weaker in my mind as a female pronoun. I don't believe that was God's intention for himself or for the human race. It's another way the patriarchal thinking has warped the way we view God. Maybe I should try adopt a 'they' pronoun for God to help remind me that they want to be everything to me. 

Why does any of this matter? Because the patriarchal way of thinking is damaging to young women in how they view God, and more importantly how they think God views them. The patriarchy perpetuates a system that allows a man like RZ (and many many many other religious leaders) to live a despicable double life that didn't represent the love of God in any way - making his knowledge about the Bible meaningless to me - it didn't transform him to the heart in any way, and that's what Jesus came to teach us to do, is to look to the heart more than the looking perfect. 

Maybe that's a good idea for #3 in this series - perfection. I read recently from a poet who pushes me out of my comfort zone that for her, faith in her growing up years became perfection quantified. And oh that resonated deeply with me. 

I have only begun to dip my toe in to the effects of the patriarchy in my faith and in the church, but I'm in now. Once you realize the harms of it, you see it everywhere and you can't go back. I pray that's the way God intended, and hope that taking bold steps in this direction is bringing honour and praise to God, bringing me closer to the gospel he sent his son to share. How about you?